REPENT!!!

It's coming! Apocalypse... it's almost here! Can't you read the signs?

The Cosa Nostra control the World Cup
The biggest name in modern soccer was disgraced in his last ever game
It costs $8.50 to sit in a cab
The schools that charge for the programmes at their performances are the rich schools
David Beckham is pregnant
The only goal Lampard scored was in that Adidas commercial
Religions are fighting each other again
The best golfer is black
The best rapper is white
The sole superpower is run by a bush and a dick
Norton creates its own viruses so people will buy their antivirus softwares
Paris Hilton is recording songs
Mr. Brown is dead

Can't you see?! The world is ending! Save yourselves!!