It's always the people that don't deserve it

It's not fair. She didn't deserve it. The're so many other rotten people in this world, why her? She was too young, and she wasn't married. It wasn't her time, she didn't have to go. She was doing well, why'd she leave?

Providence is dead. God doesn't intervene no matter how much you pray, no matter how good she was, no matter how many lives she touched. If he wanted to, He could've made her better but he did nothing. I don't wanna blame him for it, but I can't help but see that He could've done something and He didn't. What's His reason for this? What's His explanation? Why couldn't things turn out better? Right from day one this wasn't what she deserved, and no matter what we said or felt, no matter how much I prayed, it still happened. What good can come from this? I know He has a reason for this, but what would that be? What on earth could justify this?

Why don't I feel anything? I'm shaking, but I don't feel anything else. Is that how I am? I'll have to see her with my own eyes for it to sink in. I promised her many times we'd see her again, and then I clean forgot. Why didn't I do anything sooner? I always take His power for granted. I always think they'll be okie in the end, it's no big deal. They'll be fine, He won't let anything happen. That's how I lost two others, and now it's happened again.

Why would He let this happen? How on earth did she deserve this? She touched so many lives, gave so many people hope, so why does it have to be like that? Why does it have to be now?

As I'm typing this, I'm still hoping that this was all one mean trick, that Kit was just razzing me, that everyone's gonna laugh at me for posting this, that she's gonna laugh at it when we see her again and they tell her about this.

Shit I can't type anymore