Conspiracy Theories 2 (Why, Zizou?)
I know there are loads of theories about that headbutt that Zidane gave Materazzi, but do you wanna know what really happened? What really REALLY happened? This comes out under Conspiracy Theories because that's exactly what all the other explanations were... conspiracy theories! Especially the "exchanging jerseys" explanation. That was rather poorly concieved, in my opinion. So are you really ready for the real truth behind it all? Do you wanna know why Zinedine Zidane, the biggest name in modern soccer, ruined his last ever match, and a World Cup final at that, by inexplicably and spontaneously headbutting "Nobody-cares-what-his-first-name-is" Materazzi in the solar plexus?
Get this....
Zizou was Imperiused!
It's so frigging obvious, I have no idea why nobody speculated this theory, which has been proven through evidence, deductive reasoning and criminal psychology, as what really happened. Somebody had obviously casted the Imperius Curse on him!
You want proof?
I knew it the moment I saw the shots. See the glazed look on his face? An obvious symptom of a freshly cast Imperius Curse due to the "high" the victim feels when hit by the curse. What's more is that Zidane is anybody but a violent person. Plus, anybody knows that a move like that is an instant red card, and yet it looked like Zizou was only fully realising what he had done as he was walking back to the stands, a sure sign that the curse was lifting slightly and he was capable of conscious thought only after the headbutt.
It's pretty obvious that the Italian Cosa Nostra have connections to personnel in the Italian magical community, or maybe the Death Eaters themselves. Materazzi was obviously approached and greased by an associate of the Family to, at an opportune moment, look like he was saying something to Zidane. That was when a wizard in the stands hit him with the curse and made him headbutt Materazzi (Materazzi was obviously paid a lot).
What of Zidane's explanations that day? It seemed like a pathetic attempt to fob off his agent right? "He said something, I don't want to talk about it now." I'll tell you why it seemed like it was a weak attempt to smoke his agent for the time being; because it was! Zidane was obviously Confunded on the spot, maybe by the same wizard, maybe another, to stall for time. Or maybe he was still Imperiused at the time. Sure, a Memory Charm could've been performed discretely, we've all seen it been done before (Kingsley Shacklebolt did one on Marietta Edgecombe), but this would involve planting a false memory into Zidane, somethimg which was time consuming and could not be done in a shoddy manner (like how Horace Slughorn tried to hide his memories). So Zidane was Confunded, or still Imperiused, to stall for time, so that the wizard(s) could wait until he was alone to properly overwrite his memory.
And since it seems that the only people who truly know what Materazzi said were himself and Zidane, otherwise FIFA would know and not still be speculating, all Materazzi had to do was play along to the false memory, knowing that Zidane would tell that same story. This memory would probably involve Materazzi saying something entirely mundane, or essentially something that didn't even warrant an angry glare. If that's what FIFA believes, then Zidane's Golden Ball would be reclaimed and given to Fabio Cannavaro, thus proving that Italy would benefit even further from this set-up, which, when you consider incentive, gives the Italians a further motive for conspiring to pull off this stunt. And the plan was perfect due to another reason: Who in their right mind would suspect wizards did this when everyone seems to think they don't exist?
So it's really happening; Voldemort is destroying Europe, one country at a time. The end of the world is coming! I was right! Woo! I'm not crazy! It's really happening! GET ALL YOUR GEAR AND FOLLOW ME!!! *guzzles detergent*
Get this....
Zizou was Imperiused!
It's so frigging obvious, I have no idea why nobody speculated this theory, which has been proven through evidence, deductive reasoning and criminal psychology, as what really happened. Somebody had obviously casted the Imperius Curse on him!
You want proof?
I knew it the moment I saw the shots. See the glazed look on his face? An obvious symptom of a freshly cast Imperius Curse due to the "high" the victim feels when hit by the curse. What's more is that Zidane is anybody but a violent person. Plus, anybody knows that a move like that is an instant red card, and yet it looked like Zizou was only fully realising what he had done as he was walking back to the stands, a sure sign that the curse was lifting slightly and he was capable of conscious thought only after the headbutt.
It's pretty obvious that the Italian Cosa Nostra have connections to personnel in the Italian magical community, or maybe the Death Eaters themselves. Materazzi was obviously approached and greased by an associate of the Family to, at an opportune moment, look like he was saying something to Zidane. That was when a wizard in the stands hit him with the curse and made him headbutt Materazzi (Materazzi was obviously paid a lot).
What of Zidane's explanations that day? It seemed like a pathetic attempt to fob off his agent right? "He said something, I don't want to talk about it now." I'll tell you why it seemed like it was a weak attempt to smoke his agent for the time being; because it was! Zidane was obviously Confunded on the spot, maybe by the same wizard, maybe another, to stall for time. Or maybe he was still Imperiused at the time. Sure, a Memory Charm could've been performed discretely, we've all seen it been done before (Kingsley Shacklebolt did one on Marietta Edgecombe), but this would involve planting a false memory into Zidane, somethimg which was time consuming and could not be done in a shoddy manner (like how Horace Slughorn tried to hide his memories). So Zidane was Confunded, or still Imperiused, to stall for time, so that the wizard(s) could wait until he was alone to properly overwrite his memory.
And since it seems that the only people who truly know what Materazzi said were himself and Zidane, otherwise FIFA would know and not still be speculating, all Materazzi had to do was play along to the false memory, knowing that Zidane would tell that same story. This memory would probably involve Materazzi saying something entirely mundane, or essentially something that didn't even warrant an angry glare. If that's what FIFA believes, then Zidane's Golden Ball would be reclaimed and given to Fabio Cannavaro, thus proving that Italy would benefit even further from this set-up, which, when you consider incentive, gives the Italians a further motive for conspiring to pull off this stunt. And the plan was perfect due to another reason: Who in their right mind would suspect wizards did this when everyone seems to think they don't exist?
So it's really happening; Voldemort is destroying Europe, one country at a time. The end of the world is coming! I was right! Woo! I'm not crazy! It's really happening! GET ALL YOUR GEAR AND FOLLOW ME!!! *guzzles detergent*
posted by Russell Chander at 9:47 PM
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