Routine weekends and confused souls

My Sundays are getting very routine. Every week is go church and then go out with Edwin, Cheryl and a few others, and it's always either TM or CS. We're so restricted by routine and work that even the fun things are becoming sian. Nevertheless, beating Edwin and David at Outrun 2 was enjoyable.

Something dumb happened to me today, which further emphasized to myself my ineloquence in Chinese. When I went to buy dinner for my family, went to the duck rice stall and ordered duck rice. But instead of saying "bu2 yao4 jia1 la4 jiao1" (don't add chilli) I nearly said "bu2 yao4 jia1 la4 ji1" (don't add rubbish)! I was lucky to stop myself mid-sentence and change what I was going to say, or who knows what would've happened...

I just realised something: before, Kim helped me out by talking me up with one of her more chio friends. So she sent me an email, and Kim wanted me to reply. So did I. But I was busy that day so I put it off ever since.

That was like a few months ago.

Now according to Kim, she's given up or something. Sian lah, obviously. But as disappointed as I feel, I somehow feel I'm taking this better that I would have as a desperate-for-love guy. I guess I'm starting to realise and accept that no matter how much Kim and Yvonne can make fun of me, the fact of the matter is that I'd much rather take a break from the race. I'm not really all out looking for a girlfriend, partially because I haven't met a girl that made me feel like You-know-who (or the You-know-whos) did, and not even she does/they do now. I guess it's like how Jas and Gaps used to philosophise it when I talk to them about this: Enjoy your freedom while you can. And I kinda like it, not only the freedom of being able to hang around different girls, but the freedom of not being tied down to a relationship. I used to think that relationships were liberating to the soul, but now I guess it has its ups and downs.

And another reason I fear may be why I don't wanna get a girlfriend: I may be scared of committment. The very thought of having a relationship now scares me. This isn't right, this can't be right. This isn't me: me who finally wanted to be with someONE for as long as it can go. I guess I need time to mull things over